me? i'm gonna live forever.

“you deserve better” haha just what am i supposed to take away from that; it felt like...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 23:22:08 -0400

“you deserve better”

haha just what am i supposed to take away from that; it felt like a challenge. moreover, i wasnt sure what to say in response. i’m awful

well its been awhile i notice that one has been getting a lot clingier to be lately, and i know...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:24:00 -0400

well its been awhile

i notice that one has been getting a lot clingier to be lately, and i know that hes drawn to dominating personalities because hes, well, a doormat, and another is suddenly interested because i made a few shitty jokes and laugh really easily

and i dont understand because i am the most guarded piece of crap that most of my relationships are forged on aggressions and insults but somehow i keep failing at warding people off

and now i realize that this has happened before.and now its a little easier to be cognizant of it because well, theyre right there in front of me and not

well even then i didnt handle the situations too well did i

what am i doing wrong that i can’t even manage to drive people away from me

lies down i really like community i. really like what they’ve done with jeff’s character...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 23:39:00 -0400

lies down

i really like community i. really like what they’ve done with jeff’s character he’s a stock arrogant egotistical reluctant leader that always gets his way but wow i just

he’s insufferable. he puts himself on a pedestal and flaunts it around for everyone to see, smearing on every surface in sight but he has these completely contradictory standards he’s realistic and sardonic like, he’ll tell annie she can’t be perfect but he can’t handle it when someone is better at something than he is

he’s so aware of all these facets of.. well, life but he’s so painfully realistic that he’s hardened cynical and thick skinned. he’s content with his overall contempt/apathy/etc for everything so he never gets his hopes up and never gets disappointed. he knows exactly who he is and why he makes the shitty, but calculated choices that he makes, because everything he does needs to be deliberate if he’s going to maintain this idea of himself that he’s formed. it’s exceptional how they’ve created him into such a meticulously guarded multi-faceted character that has created all these walls to conceal himself from others and primarily, himself

so when that image he works so hard to create of himself is destroyed when someone else one-ups him he absolutely loses it to the point of having breakdowns, because he has to face the reality that he can only sculpt so much of himself before that’s stripped and he’s left with the bare bones of who he actually is. and that’s one of the hardest things to do that everyone struggles with, being faced with who you are for all that you are

and i just get that, i understand that so much

i was really drawn to jeff as a character with his arrogance and flagrantly aggrandized self portrayal but i didn’t realize that i do. Identify with him on more levels than what i was initially aware and it’s nice that he was developed outside of the portrayal of a cocky, well, lawyer

(its also a little weird that there are other things with jeff that resounds with me aside from all this like the lawyer thing and the high society obsession ha. Ha)

the lion king is playing on abc family right now and i cant listen to ‘this land’ or any...

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 23:11:00 -0400

the lion king is playing on abc family right now and i cant listen to ‘this land’ or any reprise because i just keep getting that awful wrenching pressure in my chest and i especially can’t watch the scene where simba ascends it was the last song and scene we played in the disneyland recording studio last year haha why am i. putting this here

i guess the reason why the disneyland trip means a lot to me is because it the last and biggest Thing we did and would do together in high school the whole thing kind of felt like a goodbye. its not when we pass senior boards or when we officially check out of school or when we walk and receive our diplomas, but it was when we spent the last passage of our childhood in the. happiest place on earth. i think we all knew that it was something we weren’t going to get back

(it was p evident when the seniors refused to board the plane at least)

haha ok ill stop being a sentimental piece of crap now

haha i cannot. wait for spring break kayla is the perfect person to go on a road trip with i want to...

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 18:30:24 -0400

haha i cannot. wait for spring break kayla is the perfect person to go on a road trip with i want to run around town barefoot and walk the beach vicariously and man itd be even greater if we went to newport again god i love it there but i love long beach too i

honestly i don’t care how it happens or who goes i just need to get out and breathe and remember that im alive

i think the best part of the trip to health sciences center was definitely!!!! when we saw some...

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 00:20:55 -0400

i think the best part of the trip to health sciences center was definitely!!!! when we saw some patients walking around the facility with the portable artificial hearts backpacks wow so cool so coo yea man maybe one day patients with artificial hearts be able to fully function completely independently outside of the institutions and an artificial heart may be an alternative to a transplant wow

i really liked the med student that spoke to us too!!!!the thing that stuck out most to me was him saying that you should only go into practicing medicine and stuff if you love people because you have to just enjoy people if youre going to do the job and man the guy was so cool and passionate and he was like its okay if you realize its not something you wanna do then you should find something you do enjoy and yea

so cooooooooool

if i go into plu with my current ap scores i would already have at least 16 (hopefully 24 in may)...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 23:48:00 -0400

if i go into plu with my current ap scores i would already have at least 16 (hopefully 24 in may) credits taken care of, which is about a semester (and a half) of school out of the way

i could spend that year taking the heavy hitter classes like calc and physics at plu where it’s easier to get one on one interaction before i transfer to uw for my major, not to mention gen english classes

i dont know what i want to major in. i’m honestly really looking at architecture or engineering (and work for boeing hmm) to me but it’s hard being surrounded by people already so confidently defined with their major

i shouldnt stress out about this but i

if i live at home and go to plu i have an extra 2000 from my annual scholarships/grants aka zero...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 23:13:00 -0400

if i live at home and go to plu i have an extra 2000 from my annual scholarships/grants aka zero cost of attendance to pay out of pocket

i’m glad emily’s my friend she’s someone i feel comfortable sitting down and...

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 19:49:00 -0400

i’m glad emily’s my friend she’s someone i feel comfortable sitting down and talking to. i know that i can do that with ken and shay but emily’s concerns and my concerns are a little more in line and i just feel so much more on the same page as her.

haha i guess it’s just that when i’m with the twins they tend to really talk about their experiences and worries and it’s always work college and family stuff and it’s a lot to carry even though i’m more than aware that it’s not what they’re asking but i’m not a rock i don’t have it in me to be anyone’s rock i’m too fickle and and constantly moving i can hardly stay in the same spot for an hour stay still nonetheless. i can only contain so much anxiety that doesn’t belong to me

im worried about losing people post high school and i still haven’t gotten word from the university of washington yet i need the thick envelope i can’t get the thin envelope

it is 8:56 am and i am eating a pastry as dumb and stupid as it sounds i think the reason why i...

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 12:08:27 -0400

it is 8:56 am and i am eating a pastry

as dumb and stupid as it sounds i think the reason why i really like tamako market is because of the whole premise of the show

she’s hardly more than average. she’s a working class girl that knows what its like when things get kinda tough at home. she’s a positive person and she comes from a humble place that’s proud of what they have. whenever she says that she’s a mochi maker’s daughter, i completely understand what she means because i’m a baker’s daughter and i know what that means to be.

it’s nice to watch a show thats so easygoing. between watching stuff like arrested development and suits and community and stuff it’s kind of nice to have a character you actually can relate to on a situational level. i’m going to be sad when it’s over

Photo

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 22:00:00 -0400

i’m really glad i’m friends with nolan

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 22:11:39 -0400

i’m really glad i’m friends with nolan

this morning as i was getting ready i stopped and kind of laughed at the pile of makeup products and...

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 20:11:55 -0400

this morning as i was getting ready i stopped and kind of laughed at the pile of makeup products and the like four flavors of skin whitening cream laid out in front of me it’s like picking what kind of face i want for any given moment and it just seems so arbitrary and pointless every day

what am i doing why. does this matter no one cares

@jordan

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 01:03:00 -0400

im like full cambodian at least to the extent of my knowldege??but ive been told i dont really look it bc my complexion is a lot lighter than most cambodian people around here??regardless i cannot even. speak it.

Video

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:55:43 -0400

today was kinda nice and quiet. i spent a lot of time with emily, and then with nolan, and it was...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 22:15:43 -0400

today was kinda nice and quiet. i spent a lot of time with emily, and then with nolan, and it was nice because i think emily and i are similar enough that we function well together and its nice spending time around someone youre comfortable with like nolan

(by comfortable i mean quietly singing some nights and do you hear the people sing constantly in ap lit because they were stuck in both our heads all day)

(unfortunately, listening to earworm songs do not in fact get them out of your head it just makes it worse)

i noticed that they both decided firmly that they are both super duper Done with high school

a year or two ago people used to say i spoke with a little bit of an accent, something you...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 20:32:00 -0400

a year or two ago people used to say i spoke with a little bit of an accent, something you couldn’t really place your finger on but was still there. and that’s understandable, because i grew up in a nonenglish speaking household.

now, i cant even speak cambodian, but when i ask people if i currently speak with an accent, they look at me strangely and say not at all. i wonder if i’ve subconsciously, well, got rid of it on my own. maybe it was just the effect of living in an english speaking country. maybe i didn’t want to be identified outside of the “”norm”“

i distinctly recall reading an article by an indian author a few months ago who broke down accent politics and the information (the statistics in particular) were alarming in that speech discrimination really is

a problem

it’s also sad to think that i’m a product of that, too

my new best friend (the bread )

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 01:38:06 -0500

my new best friend (the bread )

much like a lot of other people, the odds that i’ll ever go back to being a Total Active RPer...

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 18:08:22 -0500

much like a lot of other people, the odds that i’ll ever go back to being a Total Active RPer are pretty much slim to none. it’s been a gradual decline for a while, and since it’s still hot and fresh i’m still totally in for pr, but the commitment is more of a Hey,I have Free Time and Creative Capacity to Spare so Why Not kind of deal as opposed to the whole shebang ya kno

but i dont think i can let go of these characters, not just yet! there are still a few characters that aren’t done with me yet that are going to beat me into executing satisfactory prose for their stories until they can find the Resolution they deserve. i don’t wanna give up on them either

(i know remys a keeper def he’s remarkably stubborn)

i like creating these characters and developing them with you guys!!!it’s a process that can’t be imitated without the dynamic of multiple people to collaborate and share with and learn from!anyways

all i know for certain is that ruby is always going to be there and!!hey if I dont have ur number u should,give it to me ! i might lose a few muses but i dont wanna lose you guys

i really want to get my hands on a copy of on the road ahh it’s been on my to read list for a...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 01:54:28 -0500

i really want to get my hands on a copy of on the road ahh it’s been on my to read list for a while but it has priority because i really like kerouac’s voice; it’s raw in a rusty kind of way like dust on unmarked wine bottles. there’s something about the beat generation i’m really fascinated with and i don’t know why i’m putting this here but i think it feels

a little out of place on any other dash. damaralice was supposed to be a small, contained space, but then people started giving out that url and that took away from me being on r-etrograde where i wanted to add most people and keep damaralice quiet. way to be driven off a personal huh